been feeling really defeated lately.

I keep wanting to start over but I can't seem to do that.
Don't know what to do anymore.


Once again:
Going to try taking a personal retreat & resetting life this summer.
Excuse me if I disappear.

hurt people hurt people.

true.

i will soar with you above the storm.

A wise woman told me earlier tonight that brokenness is a good thing, as it allows us to see how in need of God we are.

Feeling isolated or abandoned by the world should be seen as a step in the refining process. Therefore, I will attempt to be like Paul and count my blessings in the [slow] walk on a narrow, crooked, and painful road.


Already a bonus: Were I not going through this thorny experience, I would not be as conscious of these lessons. That's a start.

what a malicious world we live in.

I would never want to purposely make anyone cry, and I would hope you would never want to purposely make me cry either.


But it's true what they say; we live in an ugly world.

sadly...

I've come to realize that I am a negative force in this world. I've always had this feeling here and there but recently I've come to see this much more fully. As much as I want to inspire people and create passion and a love for life in this world, I don't. I may for a moment -- I've been told that I've inspired people in the past -- but eventually, that fizzles out...and worse, it usually goes to the other extreme where people end up harboring anger, bitterness, resentment. I bring bad energy to this world, apparently.

I'm trying to figure out how I can change this, how I can continue to spark passions in people and make people smile and laugh and want to do great things with their lives without it always ending in some kind of relational disaster where someone is unhappy and disenchanted.

international women's day: march 8th.

International Women's Day is coming up in less than a week (Monday, March 8th). In light of that, join the IRC in its petition to stop violence against women.

1 out of 3 women in the world will experience rape or abuse in her life. That's beyond scary and disturbing.

& when the sun shines.

And I admit
that I still dream about how things
were before.
I just don't know
if I could give you all this love
anymore.

But my feelings were so strong,
and I waited for so long.

I ain't a fool,
but what if God made me for you?

the invisible minority becomes a bit more visible (at least, in the fashion scene).

[Picture taken from Racewire.org]

Most people who know me know that I'm not that into the Asian American social analysis scene. Not to say I don't care, but it has never been as great of an interest to me as my fellow Asian Americans. I don't know why.

BUT my darling friend Kim just send me this blog post that made me very happy and somewhat proud: Asian American designers taking over Fashion Week (and the fashion industry in general).

Maybe it's because I love fashion and art. Or maybe it's because I've become more self-aware about race & culture. Who knows. But I do love the fact that Asian Americans (immigrants, 1.5ers, and hapas) are emerging and getting recognized in our still-unicultural society.

The invisible minority starts to get noticed...finally.

"uhh, about once a week."

"Have you ever had one of those days where nothing all that monumental happens, but by the end of it you have no idea who you are or what the hell you are doing with your life? Do you ever have one of those days?"

- Robin, HIMYM.

to quote an eloquent stranger.

"At the end of it, I realized that I was older, more used up, and less attractive than when I had started."

i say this all the time.

But it's pretty true. I am a terrible person.

avatar (aka pocahontas in space).

I just got back from watching Avatar in IMAX3D at Lincoln Center. Quick response:

• I heard from many people that it was amazing. I heard from a decent amount that it was "meh." My conclusion about the overall movie: I found it amazing only because I was in an IMAX3D theater; if I watched this movie in a regular theater, I too would find it to be very mediocre. Essentially, the beauty of the movie is in the CGI, the effects, and the creation of the planet and species. I can imagine it was harder to appreciate all of that in just a regular theater (and let's not even think about it on DVD, BluRay or not).
  
  (Technology never ceases to blow my mind...and make me feel like an old woman.)
  
  
• Besides the effects, I really admired that Cameron created this entire world with its own biology, culture, language, etc. Even though I am really, really not into fantasy stuff, I've always found it amazing and awe-inspiring to see people like J.R.R Tolkien, C.S. Lewis, and even J.K Rowling create brand new worlds with intricate details. The creation of a new language amazes me too -- Elvish, Klingon, and now the Na'vi language.
  
  
• It is essentially the same storyline as the movies Pocahontas, Ace Ventura 2, and others...as well as the storyline of America's history. Nevertheless, I greatly appreciate the still-much-needed reminder of the morals behind Avatar...because clearly we as a human race have not learned enough.
  
  
• I can see how super right-winged people can be upset by this movie. I still think everyone needs to calm down a bit (on every end of the spectrum), but at least I can see what the hoopla was about now.
  
  
• I found the overall movie to be a bit ironic. I will find it even more so if they create some kind of DVD 3D kit for it.

That's all, really. I haven't slept much in the past days so I'm calling it an early night tonight seeing as this is going to be a full week. Signing off.

the decade according to 9-year-olds.

The decade according to 9-year-olds from allison louie-garcia on Vimeo.

Really interesting.

Found this from Herman (along with a ton of other nifty vids that I will soon share!)

work in progress.

Thanksgiving weekend was more than restful and much more than I expected it to be.

Weekend of clarity and relational progress. It's almost liberating.

pit stop.

Do you ever look at yourself and wonder
how you got to where you are
or how you became the way that you are?
Because you know that at one point,
you weren't here and you weren't this way.

Isn't it a daunting feeling when you realize that there exist people out there
that not only have the ability to make you feel so very small
but that when they do exercise that ability,
it actually affects your being.



How did we get here?
& when did we start caring so much?

since birth.

i want so badly to believe


that there is truth, that love is real.


& i want life in every word,


to the extent that it's absurd.

highest stress for lowest pay.

CNN and The Consumerist think that my field of work sucks.
I don't think it sucks, really...
but they aren't inaccurate.
Sighhh.

google calendarrr.

What the hoozits, for real.

a girl like me.

This is actually incredibly heartbreaking.



“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.”

- George Bernard Shaw

henry david thoreau.

the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation
& go to the grave with the song still in them.