bet you didn't know i was a bandit in high school.

Taking a walk down memory lane. Circa 2003.

i will soar with you above the storm.

A wise woman told me earlier tonight that brokenness is a good thing, as it allows us to see how in need of God we are.

Feeling isolated or abandoned by the world should be seen as a step in the refining process. Therefore, I will attempt to be like Paul and count my blessings in the [slow] walk on a narrow, crooked, and painful road.


Already a bonus: Were I not going through this thorny experience, I would not be as conscious of these lessons. That's a start.

i woke up to a 'supplies!' from my roommate (literally?)

So I woke up late for work today.
I came out of my room and discovered Jeannie passed out on our futon. Not abnormal, as she often sleeps in our living room rather in her [homemade!] princess-canopied bed (haha). What was weird was that my Macbook had been shifted and my readings were placed on top of it, covering the keyboard.
I ignored it and went to the bathroom. When I came back out, Jeannie had sleepily returned to her bed (she probably does not remember this because she loves her amnesia-inducing sleeping pills). I then went to my computer to check the weather and shazaam, I felt like I was in some movie or something where the main character gets a super pleasant surprise.

Cue epically beautiful music. Crescendo as I open my laptop.



Thank you, to my beautiful roommate, for making my week immensely better :)

addtionally, i miss writing here.

I've always wanted to write more but it's always just me saying that. Hopefully now that the year is nearly over, I'll be able to keep up with this more. I think writing things out will be therapeutic for me.

sadly...

I've come to realize that I am a negative force in this world. I've always had this feeling here and there but recently I've come to see this much more fully. As much as I want to inspire people and create passion and a love for life in this world, I don't. I may for a moment -- I've been told that I've inspired people in the past -- but eventually, that fizzles out...and worse, it usually goes to the other extreme where people end up harboring anger, bitterness, resentment. I bring bad energy to this world, apparently.

I'm trying to figure out how I can change this, how I can continue to spark passions in people and make people smile and laugh and want to do great things with their lives without it always ending in some kind of relational disaster where someone is unhappy and disenchanted.

corned beef & bok choy.

...is what my mom ended up making for dinner.

The quarter (to whole) green-blooded, freckled-face, "top-o'-the-mornin'-to-ya" self kept it very low-key this year. I didn't even bust out the green eyeliner (mostly because I'm on Long Island currently and I left it in my apartment in Manhattan).

I did retire the green donuts, Dr. Seuss t-shirt, and Notre Dame lacrosse hat and upgraded to some Marc Jacobs apparel (birthday gift via Jin). Celebrated with some fellow Irishmen (and -women) of the Town of Babylon.



And now for my fighting Irish face.


Lastly, tradition: A viewing of my favorite [deleted] scene from Boondocks Saints. Apologies for the crudeness...but it's great.

happy birthday to two awesome people!

Hope you guys have a blessed one! Love you two tons!

hearts all over the world tonight.

Actually, just SoHo. And more specifically Broadway from Houston down to Canal.










Houston to Prince (look for the one heart stamped on the Prada store, bt-dubs).

Battle wounds.




For more pictures and slightly more information, check out: Amalapropos or Newmindspace.

dichotomy of pride.

On Sunday PB spoke about Pride and how there are two types. For those of us who have grown up in a church environment, this is not anything new. But also for those of us who have grown up in a church environment, reminders are always good.

The Superiority version of Pride is the one that most people know and think of. The one in which someone thinks that he/she is always right or entitled to something or better than others. He/she can seem ridiculously full of him/herself at times. He/she cannot admit that he/she might be wrong or that someone else is right.

The Inferiority version of Pride is the one in which the person is constantly berating him/herself, always bringing him/herself down, etc. Some people confuse this with intense humility but really, it looks more like incredibly poor self-esteem (not that that is necessarily always the reason for the self-deprecation).

The issue in both of these situations is that there is too much of the Self and not enough of God/Others. Pride is the right category for both attitudes because both attitudes are self-centered/self-absorbed. Humility isn't thinking less of yourself; it's thinking about yourself less.

When PB reiterated this Pride dichotomy, it hit me hard: I am a really, really prideful person. Why? Because I suffer from BOTH ends of the spectrum and encompass none of the middle section of humility and healthy balance. I either think I am the Most Awesome Person Ever or that I have no utility and no value. My attitude is always me-focused.

I was aware of this before but I always thought I'd eventually grow up and learn some real humility. 22 years into this life, I am still far from humble. That's humbling.

i say this all the time.

But it's pretty true. I am a terrible person.

yesterday, i discovered my fear of guns.

After a few hours of watching Brian pack to once again leave New York and head back to Hong Kong, Mike and I got a bit tired and invaded his brother's room for a nap. A good while into our attempt to sleep on the twin-sized bed (fortunately, we are both "little people" as he said), Michael grunted in discomfort and went to adjust something around his waist area, just beneath his shirt. I figured he was fixing his belt until I heard something hit against metal. The noise was definitely too loud and solid to be from a belt buckle. I opened my eyes and what did I see lying right next to me? HIS GUN. This is no euphemism. I do mean his bullet-filled people-shooting gun sitting in his holster sitting right next to my thigh. After a slight freakout on my end, he took it off, took out the bullets, and placed it on a table before returning to sleep.

I decided to get up and try on more of Brian's overly large clothes instead.

I also made a note to myself to always make sure from now on that I check to see if the person I'm sharing a bed/cot/mattress/whatever with isn't carrying a loaded weapon.


Don't be fooled by the cute hat (which isn't even his) or the boyish smile. The NYPD gives guns out to 28-year-old ManBoys like this.

Somewhat unrelated: Brian owns the world's largest beater, as displayed by Michael.



Brian's essentials that he's bringing back to Hong Kong. Haha.

& I enjoy trying on every single article of Brian's closet as he packs.

Lose 10 pounds in 10 days! You can do it too!

happy belated, j&j!

Cake, card games, & interesting characters. Good times.

columbia: early dec.

World AIDS Awareness.


The lights! :) Festive.


The prey of Columbia.

rice krispy fun: nov.

& for the Glee fanatics:

gallery bar: november.

resolution #4.

I'm going to be honest. I judge. Hard.
But this resolution isn't about not judging.

When I look at certain girls I think, "How does she do that with such a nonchalance?" or "God, I never want to be like that." (I know, I'm so mean...)

I'm genuinely baffled at their apathy towards their conscience and their self-declared morals.

And then I realize that I am already them. The twisting sensation that I get in my stomach is insanely painful, believe me. Even as I write this. Thanks to some early years of DC Talk, I've always been a huge hater of hypocrisy and here I am, practicing it in multiple ways.

So, resolution #4:
Stop being a hypocrite/being anything remotely like those unnamed girls.

They've inspired me so strongly to change my ways. Amazing.

still young.

I certainly don't know everything, but I'm still pretty young.

I have officially entered into my 23rd year of existance, having completed twenty-two about 40 hours ago. I don't know how I feel about it yet.

*   *   *   *   *

From about the age of 5 until about 15, everyone thought that I was going to become writer one day. Can you believe that? I used to be a writer. Not that you can tell from this awful blog site, but I used to be good at writing. Then everyone thought that I was going to become a photographer or an artist of some sort, so I pushed aside the idea of becoming a writer and let my talent and skills crumble.

I feel like I should return to writing. It would be a good exercise for me in expressing myself with words (which I am very bad at) and being concise too (which I am even worse at). I just need someone to keep me accountable.

So, Resolution #3:
Write more.

work in progress.

Thanksgiving weekend was more than restful and much more than I expected it to be.

Weekend of clarity and relational progress. It's almost liberating.

stolen from Nylon: quiz time!

Taken from Nylon's blog, here's a short quiz for y'all this weekend:

1. This Thanksgiving, I ate too much _________.

2. The movie we watched (on TV or at the cinema) was ________.

3. I think “Black Friday” is lame but I still really want to buy ____________.

4. The celeb I’d most want at Thanksgiving dinner is ___________.

5. The song I play when I’m finally alone without all the guests and relatives around is __________.


My answers:

1. Pumpkin chocolate chip cookies // marshmallow chocolate chip cookies.

2. Got UP, went to my parents', and made my mom watch it with me :)

3. A Lumix LX 3 or a Canon SD780is. And a good pair of black leather boots.

4. Emma Thompson. She's classy, she's like that nice aunt or relative that you actually like, and I wouldn't mind stuffing my face at the Thanksgiving table in front of her (as opposed to, say, Joseph Gordon-Levitt or Sendhil Ramamurthy.)

5. Everything from the Broadway musical soundtrack of Hairspray...or That Thing You Do by the Wonders.


Leave your answers too :)

ishmael beah, live.

Present: Jo Becker, Children's Rights Advocacy Director for Human Rights Watch; Ambassador John McNee, Permenant Representative to the UN; Ronnie Harleston, Lieutenant Colonel and Military Adviser of the Permanent Mission of Sierra Leone to the UN; and Ishmael Beah, former child soldier and author of A Long Way Gone.